Happy Saturday night. I hope all is well in your part of the world! Been a busy last couple of weeks – nothing hugely earth shattering, just the usual things – work, family, clay – repeat! I’ve been itching to get out into the milk house to get things cleaned up and moving along to prepare for spring planting. At this point in the game – I’m the one holding up the progress of the rebuild – so I better get moving just in case it we can get something going! The weather wants to turn, but we have a few more weeks of cold.

I’m hoping to start some seeds tomorrow- if not tomorrow, than no later than Dad’s birthday. When I started this journey of “flower famer” I decided Dad’s birthday was going to be Sweet Pea day, he never got to see my garden, or meet the amazing man who gave me this garden….but I try to start seeds in his name, and everyone else that I love that touched my life in someway.

I’m aiming for two trays – 50 sweet peas, and a few Snap Dragons. They will need to come into the house in the laundry room on a mat with a light for a few weeks before they can go into the greenhouse-however the laundry room currently has a table set up in in for the glazing I did last week so I could get the kiln ran for my Valentines Day Shop Update – and the green house is currently being used for storage – I’m a bit embarrassed by the mess, but it is what it is! I had tables that needed a dry space, and things that I’ve been using for my craft shows that needed a space – what can I say – I’m an overdoer? I will find a home for the things, so I can have more things, and do the things that I love doing, because….well…. I like things….and I like to do different things….with the things…for the things….everything will be okay.

This is completely not clay related nor is it gardening related…but it’s been on my mind lately. I was chatting with Joe yesterday about it too — then I seen a picture of Madonna from some awards show that happened this week. The sadness of her looking so unlike any normal human was so strange. But also, I get it…aging is tricky. I certainly didn’t talk to Joe about Madonna, but I just mention to him I needed to move my chair. Not my literal chair – and thankfully Joe talks a lot like I do – so he knew what I meant when I said I need to move my chair…to view aging in a different way-to gain a different perspective on what’s happening to my body, both inside and out. I don’t like it one bit – my face is losing it’s color-my lips are practically invisible-wrinkles are starting to appear….strangely enough, my hair isn’t as gray as some of my friends or my sister’s…and strangely enough, I’m almost a little annoyed by it! It’s time to start discussing hormone replacement therapy, gather as much information as I can about this change….and figure things out so I’m prepared and know what I’m supposed to be doing to keep some sort of sanity, stay healthy, and keep some thread of femininity that I might have left after all is said and done.

Unfortunately when I was in my early 20’s I accidently listened to Howard Stern a few times – of course a few of his words seem to lodge in my head for many, many years — “a 40-year-old woman is useless to society”….which was followed up with a joke by my then husband — “I’m trading you in for two 20’s when you’re 40″….that then husband, is now an ex husband, who didn’t understand that ALL “jokes” have a shred of truth in them, and some jokes shouldn’t ever be uttered to a person who over analyses things constantly. It was a constant theme in his house growing up….where woman belonged, and what they were here for. When I joined the family it was said to me that “you better get over it, we are who we are, and we don’t care what anyone else thinks of us”. I should have taken that warning and left….

Thankfully, I’m now with a man who not only tolerates my overthinking, but joins in the fun. One of the many reasons I fell in love with him is his ability to keep up with my constant over analyzing of things, I suppose it helps that he has a minor in psychology and he loves me dearly.

So, he’s helping me move my chair – I’ll learn more – I’ll listen to more podcast, I’ll read more, and I’ll talk to my doctor. Figure this thing out and sort through it all – because that’s what I do, I figure things out.

I hope wherever you are that you have some things figured out – if not – it’s okay, nobody was born knowing how to walk, or cope with things that come up. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone – monsters only live in the dark-get those things out into the light and get them on their way – and move your chair. Until next time my friends – hugs to you!