Happy Saturday – I hope your week was not filled with as much unsettled thoughts as mine! This week was such an interesting ride….so many emotions from the COVID shut down—things changing with my students—me trying to sell my seedlings & subscriptions.

The COVID situation is so many different news stories – “we’re all gonna die, no body has money, everyone is suffering” to “everyone is doing well, everyone is sharing, people are working from home and earning paychecks”. There must be a middle ground there….

Working from home has proven to be tricky, not only because learning Braille is very tactile, but also because many of my students have other challenges-this entire situation produces challenges that stand in the way for many people, and there’s nothing I can do about it, there’s nothing I can do to change any of it, so I wait-my hands are tied, my mouth is taped shut-I’m told not do things, and I wait-and my students suffer, and I hate it, because I know there are ways to make it work, but I’m told no…so I don’t, and it hurts.

Then there’s selling – or not selling – more to the point — promoting myself….

I received two different calls this week, one from a guy in Everett who was so happy to have found me and ordered a flower subscription for his mom in our tiny little town. I then received a message from a guy from Texas, so excited to have found me – he is moving into the bigger town in a few weeks and wants to surprise his wife with a flower subscription. I was so surprised and so honored they had reached out to me. One of them found me via a MS Edge search, and the other happened to find me on a local Facebook group.

Both times I had a great conversation with these people, they both thought flower subscriptions were such a neat idea, and were so happy to have found us and support local business.

I found myself in awe of how strange it was they found me, how strange it was that they thought I was worth their time, effort and investment….then I was back in high school – 9th grade Biology class….chatting with the new boy with long eye lashes, a dreamy smile and notes to me on how he liked me and didn’t know what to do about it. This boy was under the impression I was one of the popular girls – because I was in a class full of my friends and I was popular in that class full of geeks, loaners and outcasts – but he would soon find out that indeed, I was not one of the popular girls.

I can’t help but feel this way when it comes to these two calling me out of the blue based on my Facebook & blog posts. What if they find out I’m not one of the popular people…..what if they find out that there are way cooler and hipper growers out there they have way cooler and better flowers….what if they don’t like me. Gotta love the “what-if” game and the constant second guessing, it feels great! NOT!

For the last few months I’ve been advertising my seedlings on Facebook market place – I’ve done a really decent job at moving product out this year – and most people have been super great about it. I had a lady leave a public message about the fact I’m asking too much for my product and I’ll never sell any at that price — ONE lady out of probably 100 – happily satisfied customers that have driven out to my stand and happily paid my asking price, not one complaint – now that ONE lady sits in my shoulder shaking her fist….your asking too much…..oh the lovely condition of self-confidence — self-assurance.

Thankfully, it isn’t all irrational thoughts and the “what-if” game that roll around in my head. Back it up sister….those two are not the only two that have reached out in the last couple of weeks! All four of my subscribers from last year signed up, two people who are local, but don’t know me from Adam signed up, an acquaintance of mine from years ago signed up, two lovely ladies I met via my flower garden last year signed up…I have one spot left of my 10….and I haven’t even gone to the business’ that I was going to go to hand out my menu. I’m thinking it might not be a good idea to go hand out my menu, I’m not sure I could take on that much work and still love what I do, and still have a summer.

I am not a salesperson, I hate selling things, honestly, either you are going to buy or not, I hate coming across desperate or pleading….it’s probably about rejection too, who wants to be told no…thankfully it hasn’t all been no, thankfully there are many people who love my work, who are excited to have my flowers at their house on a weekly bases starting at the end of June, thankfully I also have a back-up plan that I’ve made with a fellow flower grower who will be able to step in if needed. Everything will be okay.

As for Mr. Long Eyelashes with the dreamy smile, he discussed it with his older sister and realized that aligning himself with me wasn’t the best idea for his image at a new school, he needed to be in with the cool crowd. I’m not really sure what happened to him, thankfully I wasn’t too hung up on him!

I hope things in your world are going well. Hopefully, your self-confidence and self-worth are in the positive — if not, take some time to rethink what’s happening and see if there are some small changes you can make to get back to the positive. It’s okay to stand in the rain for a bit, but don’t let it last too long – get back inside and warm up! Until next time – hugs to you & yours! Time to go load the road side flower shack!